How to Deal With a Clingy Friend in a Nice Way

A human being is known to be a social being. This is the reason why most people normally create friends wherever they go. This can be in their workplace, school and other social places where people mingle freely. Having a friend who can support you from time to time is always a good idea.

palm with stop sign

However, as much as you might need his or her support, there are instances when you might be short on time or energy to devote to the friendship. Such friends might want to be part of all your plans, show up in your house unannounced and even try to mimic the things you do. This clingy behavior can get annoying. As annoying as it can get, you would not want to hurt your friend’s feelings by calling them annoying. The following are ways on how to deal with a clingy friend nicely:

Take Longer to Respond to Their Messages and Phone Calls

Your clingy friend might have texted you severally in the recent past. Ideally, you should respond to these texts as soon as you get a chance to respond. You can either reply to the text that he or she sent you or just choose to call back later in the day. However, your clingy friend might feel as if you also desire to get the same attention that he or she is looking for when you reply to the texts immediately. Therefore, you should wait for a day or two and then reply to his or her texts. To avoid annoying your friend, you can show him or her that you were busy or you had forgotten your phone at home.

Introduce Them to New Friends and Situations

Your friend might be clingy to you because he does not have other friends with whom he can hang out with. Perhaps, you might be the only person who might be very close to them. If you want to deal with this friend nicely, you can introduce him to other friends out there. This will reduce the tendency of being clingy all the time. You can trust that he will get new friends and perhaps be able to freely interact with them. Introducing your clingy friend to new experiences might make him change his behavior. This is because his focus will be on the new experience or situation. Anything that makes him think less about you will go a long way in mitigating this behavior

Ask Him or Her to Meet You Out When Going Places Instead of Driving Together

You might be tempted to call your clingy friend and travel together so that you can chat as you drive to your desired destination. This could be a wedding or a burial ceremony. Calling your clingy friend to accompany you as you drive is not right. You should instead ask him to come using his means and perhaps meet you once he arrives at the venue. This will allow him to interact with other people as he heads to the venue. The good news is that this encourages your friend to do things on his own.

If you are going to watch a movie together, you can ask him to get to the movie early enough and then arrive later. He can even order tickets for both of you and then reserve a seat for you. This will go a long way in enabling them to be alone for quite some time before you arrive at the venue. Over time, your friend will have the confidence that he can do things on his own without solely relying on you.

Set Boundaries

Dealing with a clingy friend can be easier if you set boundaries. You should set boundaries about how much time together. Ideally, you might not be able to be there with your friend any time that he or she pleases. All you should do is to cut them out of your life without making them feel bad. Here, you will be seeking out a healthier balance. You should make your friend know when he or she is overstepping the line.

Tell him or her that you will not be able to respond to texts right away and that you might not able to be too available like you used to in the past. Do not be harsh as you express yourself as this might make him feel as if he has been offending him. You can tell him that you have appreciated every moment that you have spent together in the past and you are about to change the way you operate. This way, your friend will learn to be alone for quite some time.

friends conversing over drinks

Make Plans That Are Convenient For You

Do not let your friend spend more time in your house for many hours. For instance, on Saturday’s you can tell your friend that you will be going to the market to buy a few household items so you will not have ample time to watch a movie together. You can insist on leaving together as you leave for the market. You can even fake a reason that makes you stay apart for a while. Your plans should seem to favor you only. This will make your friend have some time alone and perhaps reflect on his life.

Unfollow Them on Social Media

You might be fond of commenting on your friend’s posts on social media platforms such as Facebook simply because you get notifications on your phone. Commenting on his or her social media platform shows her that you are interested in him or her. You can unfollow her on these platforms such that you will not be able to see whenever your friend posts anything on these platforms. Also, this means that you will not be tempted to check on your friend now and then. You should do this secretly such that your friend will not know. This way, you will be able to distance away from your friend in a nice way.

Be Honest and Say No

Your clingy friend might want you to hang out together during the weekend. If you had other plans that weekend, you should tell him or her that you will not be available for him or her. For instance, if you had planned to visit your parents on that weekend, you can tell him this and promise that you will try hanging out next weekend. Being honest will make your friend know that you are not hiding anything or him or her. Sometimes, if you feel that you want to spend time with your lover, you can tell your clingy friend so without hiding anything from him. Saying no to some requests have worked well for many people out there.

Don’t Ask for Their Help in a Situation and Reject It If They Offer It to You

Chances are that you might have asked your clingy friend for a favor sometime back. If you have ever done so, you should do that anymore. You should find a solution to your issues without involving him or her. Perhaps, this could be one of the reasons why he or she is clingy to you. You can instead ask a reliable friend for help. Remember that the more you depend on your space-invading friend for help, the more they will think that it is normal to cling on to you. Therefore, you should put a stop to all this by not showing them that they are indispensable for you.

Don’t Show Interest in Their Personal Life

Your clingy friend might have the tendency to pour his heart to you from time to time. He might be the type that seeks advice, sympathy or attention now and them. Chances are that you had invested yourself emotionally and helped them in the past. However, this might be cumbersome for you in the long run. Therefore, you should stop showing signs that you are interested in helping him deal with his issues. For instance, if your clingy friend comes for advice from you, you can tell him that the issue is beyond you politely. You can recommend that he seeks helps from a professional and so on.

Stop Initiating a Conversation with Him or Her All the Time

Starting to talk to your clingy friend might make him feel special in a certain way. This should be the reason why he or she is still clingy on you. If you feel that you need to talk to someone during your free time, you can choose someone else. Better still, you can choose to do something else to occupy yourself. The good news is that if you fail to talk to him first, your friend will not talk to you and this will make him less clingy at some point.

an angry toddler

How to Deal With a Clingy Friend

Clingy friends can make you feel emotionally exhausted. This could make you desire to spend less time with them. Sometimes, you might get so frustrated to the extent of wanting to abruptly end the friendship. However, this should not be the case. Your clingy friend can still be your friend by considering the above-mentioned ideas. Consider these ideas on how to deal with a clingy friend nicely and you will not regret. These ideas are truly incredible.

How to Tell Someone Off In a Professional Way

Are you looking for a way to tell someone off in a professional way? Chances are that you are not alone. First, you will note that we have people who normally offend us from time to time and yet they are very close to us. This person could be your close friend or even your employee. He or she should be a person whom you respect and would not wish to terminate their friendship or contract any time soon. Reprimanding someone is not always that easy. You might end up uttering some vulgar words that might hurt the other person. This is not right. The good news is that this article will help you know how to tell someone off in a professional way:

professionals talking to each other

Handle the Matter Privately

If you have to scold someone, you should not do it in public. You will note that few people respond well to a public reprimand. You should instead call them to your office or house and express how you feel about their behavior. Make this session as private as possible. Nobody else should be present apart from the two of you. You should deliver your message privately and keep it confidential. This will make the other person feel respected despite being in the wrong.

Do Not Sugarcoat Anything

You might try to sugarcoat something to make your partner not to feel bad. This might seem to be a good idea but it can be detrimental. You should tell them that they are wrong without beating about the bush. This way, your find will know what exactly went wrong. Beating about the bush will only confuse them and he or she might end up repeating the same mistakes unknowingly. As you address this issue, you should be as honest as possible. Make him or her understand your point and why you are angry at him or her in a nice way. As long as you remain professional, everything else will be smooth for you.

Focus on Behavior and Not Character

Our character is not always the same. We are all different in our own ways. For instance, if you have employed several people in your company, you do not expect them to have the same character. They will be different because of their personalities and so on. The most important thing is to meet organizational goals. You should not focus on the character but on the behavior of that person. 

If the person reports to work late, you should address that issue as soon as possible. It is not right to dive into the character or personality of a person. Focus on the behavior that can be corrected in the short term. If the employee has a habit of wrecking work, you should address such issues objectively. Do not focus on the attitude or character of the culprit as doing this creates defensiveness.

Try to Listen to the Other Person

Talking to the other person without allowing him to air his grievances is not right. For instance, your partner might be in the wrong due to something that you can help him or her deal with. This will go a long way in facilitating behavior change.

Learn to listen as you try to address the issue, both of you. This will make the other party feel loved and appreciated. You might be surprised that you might be the cause of this problem. Perhaps there is something that you could have done in the past to mitigate this but you failed. Listening to him or her talk will help you know how to solve the issue amicably.

Be Specific

You might generalize several issues such that the other party does not know what exactly is wrong with their behavior. Instead, you should be specific. For instance, you can tell him that on Tuesday, you were 10 minutes later and on Friday, you were 15 minutes late. This way, they will be able to relate and will know that you are more objective. Also, this will show him that you are keen to note the small mistakes that he did in the past. He will not be defensive as you will have pointed out the facts.

two people talking in front of a computer/how to tell someone off in a professional way

Document the Discussion

As you purpose to tell off your college or partner, you should consider documenting what you are going to talk about. This will help you in case the other person repeats the same mistake all the time. At least, you will have something to defend you against any potential litigation in the future. This will also show them that you are serious about what you are going to discuss in the meeting. You can record everything that you are going to discuss and keep it recording for future use.

Consider Offering Help

Criticizing your friend without offering any help is not right. If you notice that your colleague has done something wrong you should be willing to tell him that he messed up and what he can do to mitigate the problem. This is more important if you are addressing a person who is charismatic and would not like to lose him in the future. 

Offering help shows them that you were reprimanding them in good faith. Your colleague might appreciate the fact that you took your time to scold them and later offer them a working solution. If your employee needs counseling, you can offer to split the cost of a coach and help the individual make the behavior change.

Be Gentle

As you purpose to reprimand your friend or employee, you should remember that you are dealing with a human being with emotions and feelings. The last thing you would like to do is to hurt their ego. The way you make your presentation can make or break the difference between constructive and condescending. 

You should not yell at your colleague when talking to him. Be gentle and composed so that your friend does not feel as if you dislike him or has a personal vendetta against him. Therefore, you should avoid using defensive body language and vulgar language. Try your best to maintain an overall upbeat demeanor. Remember that these physical cues say more than your actual words.

Take Your Time and Take Action Soon

You might be tempted to overreact in the heat of the moment or overlook important information. This is not right. You should take time and gather all the evidence that you need. Try to be as composed as possible during this period. Sometimes, you can choose to watch and see if your colleague will change his behavior before telling them off. Also, try as much as possible to avoid jumping into conclusions. Take your time and watch the behavior of the other person before finally reprimanding him or her.

Explain the Standard and Why You Deem it Important

We all stand for different things in life. If someone does not meet those standards, he or she might end up offending you unawares. You should not scold someone without telling them why you think what they did was wrong. For instance, if an employer reports to work late, you can show him or her what the policy of the company indicates. You can even tell him or her that you are losing customers due to her lateness. Make the other person understand why they are wrong or why their behavior is not pleasant to you. This will make them relate and be able to correct their behavior in the future.

Start With Praise

We all like being appreciated in one way or another. As you plan to scold someone, you should not start by criticizing them immediately. However, you should first appreciate the areas that they have done well in the past. Always begin with praise and honest appreciation. This will make the other party feel appreciated despite being summoned. You can even crack a joke and then narrow down to your point. You can encourage him or her to take the criticism positively and to work on the areas have you have mentioned. As that person leaves your office or home, he or she will leave with some pride and will purpose to change for the better.

Make it Look Easy

You should make the other person find his fault easy to correct. Telling someone that they are bad at something and is probably beyond their control can demoralize them. This can destroy every incentive they might have to improve on it. Therefore, show him or her that it is easy to correct those faults and become a better person. Show them that you have faith in them and they will feel encouraged to work on their faults.

Give Room for Questions

It is important to let the other party ask questions instead of giving orders. You will note that there is always something magical about allowing people to correct their mistakes. Therefore, you should guide him towards the right path by providing him with suggestions and ideas. By doing this, he will have ownership of the change and will be able to understand the stakes involved.

two professionals talking

Telling someone off professionally should be difficult for you. You just need to use the above-mentioned ideas and you will be good to go. As long as you keep their feeling in mind and remain objective when scolding them, you can trust that you will get better results. Your friend or colleague will thereby improve his behavior and become a better person. Consider these ideas on how to tell someone off in a professional way and you will not be disappointed.

How to Stop Being Petty in Trying Situations

Most people, if not all of us, have been guilty of it, making someone feel down. Or nitpicking flaws, wanting to have the last say in our futile efforts to be “right”, right? Well, there are indeed moments when you will feel unimportant and most often than not, you don’t mean to be. It sorts of happens. But you should work towards avoiding being petty in difficult situations. If this rings true for you, then you need to know how to stop being petty to handle situations with calm and get happier.

a sad woman

Being petty could mean exhibiting an immature reaction when retaliating against undesired outcomes, childishness, habitual overreaction, or even making things insignificant to give yourself an excuse to be uncooperative or stubborn. You get the picture, right?

Most people are pretty in their ways so this rings true for you, just know that you are not alone in this. For example, at your workplace, you could find yourself absorbing your workmates’ negativity only to give it back in a pretty undesirable way. Yes, life can be so stressful at times, and your capacity for handling stress could easily bubble over pettiness. Every one of us needs to know how to stop being pretty in any trying situation- that’s exactly what this article is all about. Read on.

Swallow Your Pride

Let’s get real a bit, can we?

Now, as you will realize, pride acts as the roots of all acts of pettiness, so it’s overly fundamental that we start there-at the roots. Pride can be a very hard and bitter thing to swallow. Pettiness is meant to “raise” someone, and as a result, people forget the importance of being humble. By being the bigger person, it proves that you are indeed a person who is emotionally mature to be dragged into petty issues. It’s hard to resist the urge to stoop to pettiness, but you can train yourself to act like the bigger person no matter what.

Some people will argue that pettiness feels satisfying, especially when people are rude at you- when they are the first one to throw a stone. But at the end of it all, being the bigger person and swallowing your pride means that you can’t afford to lower yourself to petty levels. This will not only give you a sense of great self-confidence, but it will also make people and the world to respect you for that.

Practice Meditation

Have you ever realized the power of meditation especially during the most difficult situations? If you haven’t learned that art today and you will be glad that you embraced it. You see, sometimes you need to get some comfort and peace for your mind by hiding in your comfort zone. If you can’t resist the difficulty of whatever situation, just take a step back from the trouble.

Meditation is known to calm your nerves regardless of the magnitude of a situation. Other people call it prayer, but there are many forms of meditation. Whatever you want to call it, when taken daily, this “medicine” is a truly useful ritual that promises to give you a better perspective on the most important things in life. Of course, pettiness isn’t on that list. For a matter of fact, life isn’t a matter of doing or dying but it’s rather about how to be happier with yourself. Do you get the idea?

Next time a situation hits your nerves, you will develop the much-needed calm and enough clarity that is worth it. This way, you will be pleasantly surprised how fast the situation’s annoyingness will roll off as you watch. Even if you’re in the heat and someone is becoming overly obnoxious, it doesn’t cost you even a single dime to take a step back and have a deep breath. Within those few milliseconds, you’ll for sure be able to find a viable solution to help you make an informed decision. Who said that you must do bad things to resolve a conflict? It instead adds more fuel to the fire.

So, give yourself a moment daily as not everyone or every situation needs your reaction, so just see how to stop being petty in whatever situation. Apart from helping you to stop being petty, meditation will also give you a solution to other problems that weren’t part of this situation. Try that today.

How to Stop Being Petty: Speak Up

It helps to talk out burning issues. Sometimes, people can annoy you big time and not even realize it, which means that if you don’t open up to them, they may never know it. Also, if you just choose to jump into pettiness, you’re going to create a wrong image of yourself. In real terms, that is how communication issues arise-someone gets on your nerves by saying something annoying or overly rude, not realizing that they are hurting you unknowingly, and this triggers you.

a man talking on phone/how to stop being petty

The thing here is, just talk everything out. Tell them that their behavior that triggers you makes you feel bad or annoyed, and of course, why you don’t like it. Find time and space to explain yourself to them better. Some people will understand your concerns and stop annoying you deliberately or even unknowingly.

Others will just scoff at everything and just say that it was a joke or you ‘re being extremely insensitive. Sorry but you are allowed to bring on your pettiness to these scoffing fellows. It’s OK because you already gave them a warning but they ignored it because they felt that it’s a joke. But only one in a million people will scoff at you.

Avoid What Triggers You

If you don’t want to reach a level whereby you will have to deal with pettiness, you can avoid everything all together- the triggers and the situation itself.

If everything fails and you can’t have those annoying fellows leave you alone despite your continued warnings, how about avoiding them altogether? Well, that can effectively work to your advantage because you won’t have to worry about anything, not even them or their annoyance. For most people, this is the easiest route out of trouble instead of even knowing how to stop being petty when troubles come your way. Also, you’ll learn how to be happier than ever.

You see, oftentimes, pettiness brings along negativity and a crisis into your life, so just know that it’s not worth your effort and time and avoid disaster. Make sure to avoid things that can affect your life to a greater extent. Avoid them if they don’t respect boundaries. Avoid them today.

Learn Acceptance

This is a fact- that all of us are human. And no human is more “human” than others, only that life has something unique for everyone. Every one of us can be easily infuriated by the smallest things in life and equally do things that infuriate others as well. The earlier you begin accepting that all of us are born differently, the better. It helps to understand that whatever other people do is just but part of who they are. It’s not necessarily a targeted attack towards you, it may be having nothing to do with you.

Lower Your Expectations

Learning acceptance goes hand in hand with lowering your expectations from people. Doing that doesn’t mean that you become a lesser you. You see, people with anger issues are said not to be with a problem but a problem with extreme optimism. Our fellows who are at risk of temper issues are believed to have an almost perfect vision for this or their world, and that’s exactly how they want things to work. Unfortunately, this vision is not guaranteed to occur, which makes them end up frustrated. If this rings true for you, it’s the highest time you lowered your expectations.

Learn the Art of Forgiveness

Knowing how to stop being petty in situations means that you should also practice forgiveness. It could also be a perfect combination of everything we have talked about above. When you find yourself getting pissed off at a thing that your loved one has said, the best thing to do at such a point and time is to forgive them. Why?

a shouting woman

Well, you should truly care for everyone and value the people around you. Showing resentment towards them for what they do to you won’t help the situation either. Just assume that they didn’t know that they wronged you and move on. Or just tell yourself that what they just did is small or insignificant. But also make sure to let them know that they wronged you. Or you can just empathize with them and try to find what is going wrong in their lives. They could even be stressed without your knowledge, who knows?

Try to practice the tips above from today henceforth and see how they work for you. If you have other tips, feel free to put them into good use because everything that is meant to get you to know how to stop being pretty is also geared towards managing how you relate with the world!

How to Tell if Someone is Projecting onto You: 3 Key Signs

Psychological projection is a mechanism or defense technique that most people subconsciously use to deal with emotions or bad feelings. It involves projecting difficult or undesirable feelings onto another person, instead of admitting or dealing with such feelings. A classic example of psychological projection is when you hate on a person only to realize that they had a vendetta against you. Luckily, there are tons of ways of how to tell if someone is projecting onto you and put an end to such a coping mechanism.

how to tell if someone is projecting onto you

Psychological Projection Explained

This theory was coined by Sigmund Fred, the famous psychologist from Australia who is commonly known as the “father of psychoanalysis”. As such, when a person projects onto you, we can say that they are doing “Freudian projection” or “psychological projection”. When he was having sessions with his patients, Sigmund realized that some patients would often accuse other people, say their spouses, of feelings that they were exhibiting.

Another classic example of projection is when a woman who has been consistently unfaithful to her husband accuses the husband of cheating on her. Or when a person who can’t resist the urge to steal things proceeds to project those feelings onto other people. It’s not uncommon to find a hardcore thief fearing that her luggage is going to be stolen or that they’re going to be shortchanged when they buy something.

Oftentimes, projection is not necessarily dramatic or even identifiable. One instance of projection that we can all relate to is when we come across people we don’t like but then we have to interact with them on a polite level. For example, Jane resents her sister-in-law for being overly close to her husband. Jane knows that she has to act nice to her sister-in-law, for the sake of her husband.

After some time, Jane starts to notice that her sister-in-law doesn’t like her either. So much that whenever there’s a family gathering, there’s tension between Jane and her sister-in-law, where they both feel (albeit subconsciously), that either of them is being snippy, especially when Jane’s husband is around. As you can see, both Jane and her sister-in-law have projected their feelings of resentment onto each other.

There are many reasons why we project, but the most common ones are denial, distortion, passive aggression, repression, sublimation, dissociation, and such jokes.

Now, on to how to tell if someone is projecting onto you. We are going to look at three key signs that you can’t afford to ignore. Read on.

Signs That Someone is Projecting onto You

Selective Hearing

When you talk to them, they choose what to hear and what not to hear. They’ll take pieces and bits of your words and distorts the original meanings to form something different, at least to fit what they’re used to hearing.

If you are the pretty chill types, they might still perceive you as the high-maintenance types because those are the kinds of people they’re used to. For example, regardless of the number of times you say that you are feeling fine, a person who’s projecting onto you will still insist that you are not fine. Do you get the idea?

They See You as an Amalgamation of Their Past

This is especially true for modern couples, whereby a partner thinks that all members of the opposite sex are all the same. Let us talk in simpler terms, can we? Well, first of all, every one of us has their unique abilities that define our true selves, right?

people talking over drinks

If your partner is projecting their past relationships onto you, they don’t see you as a unique person with different and unique qualities. Instead, they see you as a pure amalgamation of every other person they’ve dated previously.

After that, they have gotten into the behavior of generalizing everything and everyone. You will hear them say that “all men are the same” or “all girls are jealous”. They create their interpretation of you in their minds that is different from who you feel you are. Worse still, they proceed to use the interpretations and assumptions they have of you and acts on them.

Treating All Arguments in the Same Way

Anytime you argue with them, you realize that they default to the same reaction for every argument, automatically. Maybe they could just shut down immediately or they can start assuming that they know exactly what you are going to say. Whatever the argument is, they have decided that they already know the outcome because they have already argued with many other people in the past.

However, we are different and that’s why we all treat disagreements and arguments differently. Instead of yelling or getting vindictive, you can choose to be a reasonable person who wants to arrest a situation calmly. Unfortunately, this won’t matter a lot because they already have a presumption that you’re a crazy fellow, which is just but one sign that they’re projecting onto you.

Other Ways of How to Tell if Someone is Projecting onto You

They Expect a Repetition of History

While they are interested in you or even have fallen in love with you, they still hold on to the belief that this relationship will eventually be like their past engagements. They seem to have unresolved issues with their exes, and that stuff is bleeding through to this relationship. If they were cheated on before ending their past relationship, you will realize that they’re exhibiting insecurities about the possibility of you cheating on them, when in reality, that is something you can only dream of.

Overreacting

If they have been particularly hurt or traumatized by other people, for example, their previous partner, they are likely to overreact in case you say something that hits that nerve. In psychology circles, that is referred to as “triggers”. In simpler terms, it’s a natural human reaction by humans, which can potentially ruin relationships in record time. You can help them deal with this reaction and avert the risk of it happening again, but then again, you may not be able to help them through.

They Keep Talking About Their Exes

Naturally, it does not harm talking about your past relationships. It’s even healthy to talk about your exes, but up to a certain level, that is. You see, it helps to understand where you and your significant other have come from, right? This way, you get a chance to clearly understand what other people have experienced in the past, so that you may be able to treat them even better.

But then, your conversations with them shouldn’t have to revolve around their exes all the time. If you realize that they keep referencing their exes a bit too often, then that means that there’s something about their past engagements that they are preoccupied with.

They Have Put Up a Wall

The best part of a relationship should be the feeling of being their closest friends, right? That means that there should be open lines of communication. At times, however, partners will allow each other to draw closer to each other, regardless of the months, they have spent together or how often they sleep together.

If you sense that they’re somewhat emotionally hard to reach, it means that they’re either emotionally detached or that they aren’t willing to let you into a certain point in their heart. Truth be told, all of us have some sorts of walls inside our hearts, but the most important thing is what we decide to do with those walls. If they are not into helping you to tear down their walls, be sure that they will without a doubt be going to project their past onto you.

Negativity

We can’t afford to omit negativity and insecurities from the list if how to tell if someone is projecting onto you. 

Insecurities in relationships manifest themselves in the form of negativity. Things will be fine until a point when they get overly mad about everything on earth. You end up taking the blame for things you know nothing about. Other times, you find negative vibes thrown your way despite you having positive energy and good intentions that can benefit your relationship. If this happens more often, then you should start getting worried because it may end up creating unhealthy situations for you and your engagement.

They Offend You Because They Care

At times, they say things that put you down and then go ahead to “suggest” a variety of ways you can use to “change”. If this rings true for you, note that you can’t stop them from projecting onto you, so have them work on themselves first.

They Feel That They Want to Be Alone

Sometimes, they will begin to feel that they don’t deserve you, maybe because they are traumatized by their childhood abuse or harassment. This may have impacted their feeling for self-worth or self-esteem, which makes them feel that they don’t need to be with you, for no present reason. If they are feeling unworthy of your love, sit them down and try to figure out where that problem could be emanating from.

two women talking

Now, there you have a hint of how to tell if someone is projecting onto you. Of course, if you can’t rebuild what is broken, then it’s important to walk away. Call it quits right and then when you feel that someone is continually breaching your trust. 

How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It

We all experience disagreements at some point in life when interacting with various people. No one is perfect in this world. When someone wrongs us, we cling to our resentment and bitterness rather than letting go by merely forgiving.  However, for you to overcome all this and live a good life with humans, you must learn how to forgive when you don’t feel like it.

two people hugging

 Some people find it easy to forgive while others take time before they forgive. It takes wisdom and self-control to forgive someone, especially if he/she has hurt you the most in an unexpected way. There is a need for people to be taught how to forgive, even when it is hard for them. Even God, through His word in the Bible, commands us to forgive one another.

In this article, we shall give you useful tips on how to forgive when you don’t feel like it. Let’s find out more.

Get to the Root of Your Pain

Acknowledging the reality of what happened that led to your resentment and bitterness is the first step to forgiveness. People tend to jump into conclusions without having explicit knowledge of where their anger resulted from. Accept that you were affected in one way or another.

Figure out why the other person did what he/she did and with what purpose. Find out if he/she meant to hurt you or whether it was a mistake. Determine the impact that will come as a result of withholding your forgiveness.

Start by Forgiving Yourself

It all starts with you. You must learn how to forgive yourself before extending the same hand to others. You aren’t the cause of anger and resentfulness. You will only do this after acknowledging your emotions. Find out how you feel about the hurt. 

After forgiving yourself, you can quickly get rid of your anger and grief.

Express Your Anger or Feeling

It is better to share your emotions with someone rather than keeping it to yourself. Most of the people who don’t show their anger and bitterness do not forgive easily. Talk to someone, maybe a close friend, who understands you. Speak out and let the pain get out of your chest. 

There will be nothing to hold on to after speaking to someone. You will realize how important it is to forgive and let go. You might also get some advice from real-time experience, which could make you have a heart of forgiveness. 

Think of the Other Person Who Wronged You

Before someone wrongs you, there must be a relationship or something you shared. He or she might be your friend, family, spouse, or a workmate. Put yourself in the person’s shoes. Think of the good qualities of the other person.  Try assuming that their intention wasn’t to hurt you. Focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Determine the relationship and the bond you share. Is it worth losing such a person by not forgiving? 

The only time to cultivate empathy is when you don’t have many emotions and feelings. Focus only on the good deeds, and you may find a reason to forgive the person. Some people, no matter how much they wrong you, deserve your forgiveness. What if the person was only trying to protect you but ended up hurting you? The process of forgiveness will be effortless after you cultivate empathy.

It is tough to replace someone in your life, especially if he/she is your life partner. Also, some people in your life can never be replaced, for example, your parents. You need to realize that if you keep holding grudges and bitterness, it will be hard to cultivate relationships with those around you.  You have to look at things from different perspectives, not just yours.

Forget About the Problem for a Moment

Your primary focus should be on how to forgive and not how someone wronged you. Most of us overthink the problem. This gives as very little time to think of how we can forgive and move on with our life. Even if you were hurt deeply, you have to let some of the anger go. 

One of the easiest ways to forget is to be positive. When you overthink about the negative side of the problem, you have the urge to fight back with similar actions. Revenge is not the best way to deal with anger. It might cause more harm than good to you. We are always told, even in the Holy books, to repay evil with good and not evil with evil. 

What if the person has done more good than the evil to you? What if this was the only thing he/she did that hurt you? What if he/she has always been a good person and has always been there for you? These are the questions that should be running in your head and not the wrong that makes you bitter.

Sometimes it might be challenging to forget about such painful actions. However, you will realize how worthy it is to forget some things in your life and forgive.

Decide on Whether to Share It With the Person or Not

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you must tell the other person about it. It is about you. Do you know you can forgive someone and not talk to him/her? 

While most people hold their forgiveness because of the other person, they are the ones who get hurt the most. How sure are you that the other person feels the same as you? Do they want to be forgiven? Do they deserve forgiveness?

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean the person will continue being part of your life. You might forgive someone and still cut off all the relationships and the bond you had with each other. Forgiveness is merely trying to make your life better and happier.  People who easily forgive and forget always have a happy life. On the other hand, those who don’t have the heart to forgive spend the rest of their life thinking of how they were hurt and how they can repay. 

Also, when you forgive, it doesn’t mean you will forget about everything. However, even if you remember all the bad memories, your heart will be at peace, knowing that you took some action on the matter. 

If you wish to develop a relationship with the person who wronged you, or if you cannot do without them, you should let them know about your forgiveness. However, if the hurt was very intense that you wish to cut off the person from your life, you shouldn’t bother telling him/her. 

Reach out to the Other Person

Lack of communication is the leading cause of most of the disagreements we face. You will never know what the other person is thinking unless you reach out to them and have a chat together. It will be hard to talk to the person, especially during such moments, but you have to make an effort.

Whether the person responds positively or negatively does not matter, you will have played your part. Also, having a chat with the person who wronged you might help you determine if the person deserves your forgiveness or not. 

Look into their eyes and ask them why they did hurt you. It is difficult to lie when you are in eye contact with them. But of course, there are those that lying is in their blood. 

a man an woman kissing

For couples, the best way to forgive is to talk to one another. When you maintain eye contact with each other, you create a bond. You forget about the bad things and start thinking about the good things. You recall the good memories that you’ve all shared.  You can easily crack jokes and start laughing together. Believe it or not, once you leave that room, there will be no anger and resentment left inside you but happiness.

Seek Help If Necessary

As we all know, it isn’t that easy to forgive someone without any help. This is where there is a need for a third party, more so, if the problem is capable of causing emotional trauma. Even after applying the above tips, you may find yourself not wanting to forgive.  It is at this point that professional assistance is inevitable. Therapists are the best people to go to for any help. 

Not only will the therapist help you work through your feelings, but also, will support you personally through the whole process. The therapist will give you essential tips and guidance on how to let go off the past and focus on the present.  They have the skills and experience necessary to help you throughout this tough moment.

How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It

We should all learn to forgive each for a better life and future. Forgiveness is not about others; it is about us. We should use every possible means to find a solution to any problem. For if we do not forgive, we won’t forget, hence, we won’t live peacefully. We need to realize that sometimes holding on too much to something, does much harm to us, other than letting go. Let us embrace the art of forgiveness.

How to Make Peace with Your Past in a Healthy Way

If you are looking to how to make peace with your past, you are not alone. Many people have let the past hold them captive in one way or another. This is because they let the past determine any choice or decision they make in the present. So many people are not living their lives fully because they are afraid of repeating past mistakes.

the word peace in pink

When you let the past define your choices today, you will not enjoy the life you have, and you might not notice the pleasant experience you might have now. You might not let the past go, but you can make a decision not to let it define you today. The following are how to make peace with your past:

Forgive

If there are any mistakes you made in your past, you need to forgive yourself. You must realize that forgiveness is one of the initial steps you must take to try and ultimately heal from the past. This does not only apply to yourself, but you must also forgive others.

Anyone who you feel that they did you wrong, no matter how bad it was, whether they ask for this forgiveness or they do not. You can visit them and tell them that they did you wrong and you forgive them nonetheless. Remember to do this even if the person is no longer alive, whether it is a parent, sibling friend, mentor, role model, teacher, or anyone else.

You might get advice from many people to forgive and forget the past. It is not easy or sometimes possible to forget about history, but you can choose to forgive. There are times when one has done wrong, and it continues to hurt each time they think about it. When you do not forgive yourself or others, you will not heal from it. Learn to make peace with what has happened and ask for forgiveness or forgive those in the wrong.

Acceptance 

You need to accept that anything you did in the past or when you were younger will forever be a part of you. With the knowledge that you can never run away from your past, you can take steps to recover from it no matter how bad it was.

Some of the things might be too painful to remember, but by accepting them, you will be able to take steps to make peace. Take your time and figure out what happened and agree that you will not change anything about it. This way, you can finally accept the past and let it go. This is because the past sometimes leaves people with permanent scars. 

Many people hold on to experiences from their childhood or youth, and it keeps them from growing and becoming better people in the present. Most time, these experiences are unavoidable and were not their fault. By accepting that you cannot do anything to change what happened in your past, you can finally face a positive future.

Find Something Good about the Past Experience

No matter how tiny or small it might be, you need to ask yourself and find out any good that came out of the traumatic experience you had. What lessons did you learn and what would you have done to change it. If you have kids, you can use this to teach them about past mistakes.

If the past was not your fault and you feel that other people should be held responsible, then you can use this as a basis to treat other people better. If you were abused as a child, you could use this horrible experience to assist any other child that is going through the same ordeal

There is always a silver lining, and some pasts are what shape people to become what they are in the present. Make a positive change from the lessons you learn and ensure that you do not repeat the same mistakes. For example, if your father was an alcoholic, you do not have to use it as a crutch, but you can learn from this and build a better present and future for you and your family. 

how to make peace with your past

Make a Change

It is vital to use the past to change the present and the future. Just because someone in your past did something wrong does not mean that you should do the same. If your parents were not acting the way you would like, this is an opportunity to make a change and become a better parent. Teach your kids what your parents never taught you and treat other people the way you wanted to be treated.  Whatever you decide to do, do not let the past define who you are.

Convince yourself that you are a much improved individual. You might ask yourself how to make peace with your past in a healthy way, but not many will apply measures to make this happen. You need to ensure that you take a firm stand to change the present or the past will always haunt you. Do not let the past contribute to any decision you make today.

Seek Help

When you have tried everything, and nothing seems to work, it is time to seek help. Help can be from a professional counselor or a mentor or even the church if you are a believer. Most people recognize that there is a higher power, so this might be the time to seek help if you need it. Do not be afraid of looking for someone to help you get over past pain or mistakes. You must realize that many people have gone through similar ordeals or even worse.  

If you share your past experiences with others, you will be able to get the worst feelings off your chest. You can find a support group of people with similar cases and share them with others. Sharing will help you heal and get over anything that you have gone through. Do not isolate yourself because you will not get the help you so need when you are all alone. Get yourself some company and try to work through your issues.

Let Go of Negativity

Sometimes the only way you can learn how to make peace with your past is by letting go. It means that you need to try and let the past go so that it does not influence you in the future. It also means letting go of past friends and acquaintances who have a significant impact on what you went through during that time. If you need to move from a town or a state that reminds you of your painful past. Move elsewhere even if it is just for a while.  

Hold on to the present so that you can let go of the past quickly. Do not be afraid of moving to a new hose and starting all over again or burning up photos or even giving away clothes. Get rid of anything that will continuously remind you of your pain and make a better future for yourself and others around you. It is surprisingly easy to make new friends, and you might appreciate the new positive people. When you are healing from the past, you will not need anyone or anything to remind you of it, so let them go.

Meditate 

You can practice meditation and breathing so that you can forget about the past. Many people become angry and volatile because of their history, and it affects everyone around them. When you realize that you get angry quickly, you might want to take a minute and breathe so that you do not overreact about issues. Enroll yourself to a yoga class and find peace or learn to breathe when you need to. Learn a few meditation exercises so that you can do them at home too. 

Meditation is not only good for your healing process, but it is also great for your body. You can also do a few exercises to help you, and this will also keep you busy. When you take care of your body, your mind will also be healthier. Make time to meditate every day for a few minutes, and this will improve your moods.

Focus on Your Future

The healthiest step you can take to make peace with your past is to focus on what is coming ahead. Whether it is a new family, a kid, a new job, or even an original career path, you need to direct your attention to your future. You must believe that the past is gone and there is nothing you can do to change it. Stressing over what has happened is not healthy, and it will hinder you from becoming better in the future. Focus on your plans so that you can grow and get over the past.

A woman showing peace of peace
For many people, the past is not very easy to get over, but if you try hard enough, you will know how to make peace with your past in a healthy way. You will be able to face your present and your future positively, and you will not hurt the people you love.