How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It

We all experience disagreements at some point in life when interacting with various people. No one is perfect in this world. When someone wrongs us, we cling to our resentment and bitterness rather than letting go by merely forgiving.  However, for you to overcome all this and live a good life with humans, you must learn how to forgive when you don’t feel like it.

two people hugging

 Some people find it easy to forgive while others take time before they forgive. It takes wisdom and self-control to forgive someone, especially if he/she has hurt you the most in an unexpected way. There is a need for people to be taught how to forgive, even when it is hard for them. Even God, through His word in the Bible, commands us to forgive one another.

In this article, we shall give you useful tips on how to forgive when you don’t feel like it. Let’s find out more.

Get to the Root of Your Pain

Acknowledging the reality of what happened that led to your resentment and bitterness is the first step to forgiveness. People tend to jump into conclusions without having explicit knowledge of where their anger resulted from. Accept that you were affected in one way or another.

Figure out why the other person did what he/she did and with what purpose. Find out if he/she meant to hurt you or whether it was a mistake. Determine the impact that will come as a result of withholding your forgiveness.

Start by Forgiving Yourself

It all starts with you. You must learn how to forgive yourself before extending the same hand to others. You aren’t the cause of anger and resentfulness. You will only do this after acknowledging your emotions. Find out how you feel about the hurt. 

After forgiving yourself, you can quickly get rid of your anger and grief.

Express Your Anger or Feeling

It is better to share your emotions with someone rather than keeping it to yourself. Most of the people who don’t show their anger and bitterness do not forgive easily. Talk to someone, maybe a close friend, who understands you. Speak out and let the pain get out of your chest. 

There will be nothing to hold on to after speaking to someone. You will realize how important it is to forgive and let go. You might also get some advice from real-time experience, which could make you have a heart of forgiveness. 

Think of the Other Person Who Wronged You

Before someone wrongs you, there must be a relationship or something you shared. He or she might be your friend, family, spouse, or a workmate. Put yourself in the person’s shoes. Think of the good qualities of the other person.  Try assuming that their intention wasn’t to hurt you. Focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Determine the relationship and the bond you share. Is it worth losing such a person by not forgiving? 

The only time to cultivate empathy is when you don’t have many emotions and feelings. Focus only on the good deeds, and you may find a reason to forgive the person. Some people, no matter how much they wrong you, deserve your forgiveness. What if the person was only trying to protect you but ended up hurting you? The process of forgiveness will be effortless after you cultivate empathy.

It is tough to replace someone in your life, especially if he/she is your life partner. Also, some people in your life can never be replaced, for example, your parents. You need to realize that if you keep holding grudges and bitterness, it will be hard to cultivate relationships with those around you.  You have to look at things from different perspectives, not just yours.

Forget About the Problem for a Moment

Your primary focus should be on how to forgive and not how someone wronged you. Most of us overthink the problem. This gives as very little time to think of how we can forgive and move on with our life. Even if you were hurt deeply, you have to let some of the anger go. 

One of the easiest ways to forget is to be positive. When you overthink about the negative side of the problem, you have the urge to fight back with similar actions. Revenge is not the best way to deal with anger. It might cause more harm than good to you. We are always told, even in the Holy books, to repay evil with good and not evil with evil. 

What if the person has done more good than the evil to you? What if this was the only thing he/she did that hurt you? What if he/she has always been a good person and has always been there for you? These are the questions that should be running in your head and not the wrong that makes you bitter.

Sometimes it might be challenging to forget about such painful actions. However, you will realize how worthy it is to forget some things in your life and forgive.

Decide on Whether to Share It With the Person or Not

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you must tell the other person about it. It is about you. Do you know you can forgive someone and not talk to him/her? 

While most people hold their forgiveness because of the other person, they are the ones who get hurt the most. How sure are you that the other person feels the same as you? Do they want to be forgiven? Do they deserve forgiveness?

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean the person will continue being part of your life. You might forgive someone and still cut off all the relationships and the bond you had with each other. Forgiveness is merely trying to make your life better and happier.  People who easily forgive and forget always have a happy life. On the other hand, those who don’t have the heart to forgive spend the rest of their life thinking of how they were hurt and how they can repay. 

Also, when you forgive, it doesn’t mean you will forget about everything. However, even if you remember all the bad memories, your heart will be at peace, knowing that you took some action on the matter. 

If you wish to develop a relationship with the person who wronged you, or if you cannot do without them, you should let them know about your forgiveness. However, if the hurt was very intense that you wish to cut off the person from your life, you shouldn’t bother telling him/her. 

Reach out to the Other Person

Lack of communication is the leading cause of most of the disagreements we face. You will never know what the other person is thinking unless you reach out to them and have a chat together. It will be hard to talk to the person, especially during such moments, but you have to make an effort.

Whether the person responds positively or negatively does not matter, you will have played your part. Also, having a chat with the person who wronged you might help you determine if the person deserves your forgiveness or not. 

Look into their eyes and ask them why they did hurt you. It is difficult to lie when you are in eye contact with them. But of course, there are those that lying is in their blood. 

a man an woman kissing

For couples, the best way to forgive is to talk to one another. When you maintain eye contact with each other, you create a bond. You forget about the bad things and start thinking about the good things. You recall the good memories that you’ve all shared.  You can easily crack jokes and start laughing together. Believe it or not, once you leave that room, there will be no anger and resentment left inside you but happiness.

Seek Help If Necessary

As we all know, it isn’t that easy to forgive someone without any help. This is where there is a need for a third party, more so, if the problem is capable of causing emotional trauma. Even after applying the above tips, you may find yourself not wanting to forgive.  It is at this point that professional assistance is inevitable. Therapists are the best people to go to for any help. 

Not only will the therapist help you work through your feelings, but also, will support you personally through the whole process. The therapist will give you essential tips and guidance on how to let go off the past and focus on the present.  They have the skills and experience necessary to help you throughout this tough moment.

How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It

We should all learn to forgive each for a better life and future. Forgiveness is not about others; it is about us. We should use every possible means to find a solution to any problem. For if we do not forgive, we won’t forget, hence, we won’t live peacefully. We need to realize that sometimes holding on too much to something, does much harm to us, other than letting go. Let us embrace the art of forgiveness.

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